You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
