dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
