I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
