I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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