never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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