omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
