i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
3 2 1 whiskey
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
