Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
