i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
