I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
