you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
