theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
