so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
