i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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