if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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