My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
