Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
