Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
