Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
