Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize