I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
