Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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