when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
