No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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