the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
