Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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