he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
