so explain again why im purple
no
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
