I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
