Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
