She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize