he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
