I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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