why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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