Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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