I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
