My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
