i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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