I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
