already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
