it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
