we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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