she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
