Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my shit smells like andre
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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