tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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