I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize