My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
