No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
