Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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