I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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