Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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