You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize