Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
