strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize