She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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