My cat gives me a boner
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
