okay pat passed out under dana's car
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
