Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
