Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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