ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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