the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
