dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
