I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
