she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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