these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
