You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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