theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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