pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
