ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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