I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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