Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
