Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
