I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize