Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
