I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
