i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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