Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
