Define "chronic" masturbator.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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