I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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