he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
