there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They took my balls.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
