dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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