Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
