a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
