I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
