I hate your face
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
