Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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