I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
