this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
