in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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