new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
