Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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