um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish life had little blips of pornography
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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