i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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