Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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