did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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