Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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