I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
