My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
