Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize