my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
