I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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