He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
