Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
two words: eviction party
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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