At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
