The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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