you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
