you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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