I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
