I CAN MOONWALK!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
