I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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