my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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