Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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