Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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