I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
