Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
