your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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