evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
