Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We got so high we made milksteak
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
