In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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