Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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