absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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