when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
