get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
