Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
